remember when...

Every once in awhile I question life, what I am doing and the choices I make.  I think this pushes me to be stronger and helps keep me stimulated.  Some choices are easy, others take lots of thought.  Sometimes we have to weigh out the options before we make a final decision because every action we take will eventually have a reaction.   I am always a thinker and analyze many outcomes in my head... pretty much about everything.  Sometimes I wish I were not this way because I often over analyze a lot of things.

Whether we make the "right" choice or not, every experience plays a part in our journey and can be learned from.  I will sporadically think about what my life would be like if I had done things a little different.   As Jams would say to me, "Would of, should of and could of are the three worst things you can think about.  It doesn't matter what you could, should or would have done, it's what you did.  Keep looking forwards, not backwards."  Geez, so true!

Well, I think that sometimes we don't realize the importance of experience until afterwards.  It's kind of like when you were growing up and your parents would tell you, "Someday, you'll thank me for this.  I'm teaching you a lesson!"  Ugh, really.   Sad but true, they were right... (did you hear that Mom!)

People are awesome too.  We meet people all the time.  Interacting, chatting, doing business - we are constantly communicating.  Many people we encounter throughout our lives come and go.  But there are certain people who inspire us to be better and push ourselves.  People who believe in us in that moment that we don't believe in ourselves.   It's because of those feel-good people and feel-good experiences that we look back.  Memories are made and sometimes never forgotten.  This is why we take lots of pictures and meet up with old friends to reminisce about the good old times.  And I know it's not just me; we all have those moments where we wish we could go back and relive something again.

We can't though.  Each memory and experience builds on itself and if you think about it, without all of those things, we would not be the strong and amazing creatures we are today.  Each memory does serve a purpose.  That purpose is so we can reflect back and remember why we choose the path we are on :)

let's talk about it.

"What do you want.... What do you want!!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!?!?"  Imagine these four words being screamed in your face over and over and over.  It makes you start to think, well what do I want?  The more you think about it, the more unsure you are.  Kinda crazy, huh... You might think - I want a new car.  I want to buy a house.  I want to travel the world.  Yea, these things are all great; but after you get them you are left with the same question.  The more "things" you have, the harder this question gets to answer.  I know that I just want to be happy.  Seems simple enough, but this is probably one of the hardest things to find.  It's not something you can go pick up at the store, order online or borrow from a friend.  This is something that comes from within.  And the only person that can give it to you is yourself. 

Let's talk a little about expectations.  Do you ever do things for people and in return expect them to do something for you?  Well, you get what you give.  That's a tricky little phrase, isn't it.  You give = you get, right?  Nope, not always.  When you give to someone, you can't assume that you will always get something back in return.  In the way of the evil world we live in, most people like to take, take, take and take more.  I know this because I am a very giving and nurturing person.  I do it because it gives me that feel good feeling knowing that I can help someone and make them smile.  However, this does have it's disadvantages too.  Sometimes this "giving" comes with an expectation.  It's not even that I expect something in return either.  Most of the time it is a need for appreciation.  I mean, what is the point of doing a kind deed if no one freaking cares, right?!  Ha, there I go with my silly expectations again!  

If you are constantly expecting something in return you will always be disappointed.  And the tricky thing about disappointment is that it is something that we subconsciously give ourselves.  As soon as we start expecting anything from anyone - BAM - disappointment.  Our expectations tend to be higher for someone else than they are for ourselves.  Why is that?  Maybe it's that shiny pedestal or high horse that we like to ride on ;)  Just try and remember that we are happier creatures without having expectations!  So throw those stupid expectations out the window and enjoy life because the only time we are ever living is in this moment!

welcome, haters.

What is with people who are so against being happy and healthy?!  I totally understand that everyone has choices, remember lifestyle changes?  But come on.  To be SO closed minded that the thought of even just trying something that is better for you - and the planet! might just "make you sick" - come on.  I am not a confrontational person and trust me, I am not one to push my beliefs onto anyone else.  But, the fact that you clicked on this link was simply your choice so now that you're here, let's talk about it - I'm intrigued too! :)

Let's start with this... what is it about the word "Vegetables" that makes people cringe?  I just don't get it!  As soon as you add this word to anything, people are quick to shy away and turn down food... no matter how freaking hungry they are!  What the heck!

Case in point.  We shot a music video last Saturday (for Jams new song "Luvin' U" featuring ME!) and usually when we do shoots or events, we run to Costco and pick up platters to feed the crew for the day.  Easy Peasy.  Well, this particular day, I decided to make my chicken salad and stir-fry to promote the VEGness!   Everyone was eating it up... pun intended ;)  Later in the night, the stir-fry was referred to as vegetable stir-fry and instantly there was hesitation on eating it.  "Eh, I'm not that hungry" - really.  Well why don't you just go eat some stir-fry.  Let me show you what it looks like.  After close inspection, not only did this person eat it, they actually went back for seconds and before I knew it, the stir-fry was gone.  

Side note: I used gardien chicken and no one knew the difference.  Hehehee... take that meat eaters!!!  Just kidding :) I guess from now on we just need to omit the word "vegetable" from our phrasing.  When something is wonderfully yummy AND good for you, it should be a win-win!  Come on peeps!

On the flip, I'll be real.  Don't think I'm getting off on salads, because I'm not.  I have never been a huge vegetable person.  I was the kid at the dinner table feeding my dog the peas and slipping my grandma my unwanted green beans when my parents weren't looking.  I was the one who spit my asparagus into my napkin while pretending to wipe my face.  You might be thinking to yourself, well why in God's name would you become vegan then?  It's just weird, and coming from someone who doesn't like vegetables, it doesn't add up - so what gives?  Why the switch?

Well, let me explain something to you my sweet friends.  I didn't decide to be a vegetarian or go vegan so I could sit here and tell you why it's awesome.  Nor did I do it to be 'right' and instill my beliefs on you.  I stopped eating meat simply because it wasn't good for me.  What was hard for me was giving up dairy (my FAVORITE food in the whole entire world is cheese).  The reason I made the change was because I was overweight, wanted to lose weight and nothing else worked.  To fulfill my crazy cheese cravings, I figured out ways to make vegetables in a way that appealed to me.  Where I didn't feel like I was sacrificing flavor and substance.  Now that I replaced those 'bad things' with healthier choices, I am able to eat whatever I want and my weight stays the same.  Once I made the switch I started researching more and that just reconfirmed the decisions I had made... and those things I learned keep me strong everyday. 

Oh! Sorry haters, let's get back to you.  I get it.  I created a lifestyle that allows me to eat amazing food that is good for me and good for the planet.  Not only am I happy about all of it, I share it with you to help open your eyes to make the world we live in a better place - and you never know, you might be happier too believing in something.  But the fact of the matter is that you haters go out of your way to hate so much it just proves that you are paying attention.  I don't care if we're on the same team or not.  Keep listening and keep hating.  This is the beauty of life - each of us get to make our own decisions and believe in what ever we want!  My question to you is why hate when we can luv?  I am the change I want to see in the World and you can be too.  This place is full enough of ugly, negative people.  If you're wondering what your purpose is, take another breath and realize you're alive - and smile... that's purpose enough for me :)

breathe.

*Sigh... the struggles of life.  I always used to say, I feel bad for those people who have a hard time with day to day life.  I believe that sickness is created in the mind and that as long as you have the strength to over power it, you're all good.  Well, recently, I was finding myself to be one of these people who got too much in my head and found myself having an internal war.  "Stop the negativity!"  "This not you!"  "Um! Be Happy!"  I quickly discovered that just like everyone else, I am human and have lots of emotions - that often are left neglected.

When you start to feel like a complete crazy person, the last thing you want to do is talk to the people you luv about it.  Then they think you're crazy and next thing you know, you're in the nut house surrounded by a lot more crazy people.  This was the point that I had gotten to... which is really scary. 

It took me four hundred and sixty eight days to determine that I was unhappy with the way my life was going.  I talk about making lifestyle changes and doing really awesome things.  But, I have lacked emphasis on doing things for yourself.  Eating healthy makes me happy because I know that I am doing good for my body.  Of course I luv my friends and family and they make me happy!  But, I have to think about the whole picture... this is a quote I often reflect back to... one of my favs!!!

"There is no point in being gorgeous if your life is a mess. End your co-dependent relationships, quit your dead end job and ditch your toxic friends. This is your life!”-Skinny Bitch 

That being said, I would like to welcome you to my new journey.  I have been pressing the play button and hummed along to what I thought was the soundtrack to my life (of course, pausing when appropriate).  Now, it's time to make my own music... and dance!!!  I am a believer that you can have it all and that the only person holding you back is yourself.  Consider me to be the girl grabbing life by the bull horns... Until next time ;)

saturday in the city of angels.

Since Jams and I started as friends, we kind of missed out on the whole honeymoon stage of dating.  Our lives are super crazy and we are always working on some sort of project.  I mean, we go out to dinner occasionally, and take days off to hang by the beach... but the whole "wining and dining" part was skipped.  As a romantic, I like going to amazing restaurants with a view... have some wine... enjoy some great food and spend that quality time with the ones I luv.  

I had read about Yamashiro in Hollywood and just knew that Jams would luv it there.  Between the history and the Japanese food how could he not!  I did a little more research and decided that I wanted this to be a surprise.  I made reservations and told him not to make plans... I was taking him out for the night!  To make the night even better, I made reservations as the Hollywood Hills Hotel so we wouldn't have to drive home... no one wants to drive home after dinner and drinks!  I put together a little scavenger hunt of clues so he would have some hints on where we were going and what we were doing :)

So Saturday night, we headed up to Hollywood Hills and had the best time!  He was super excited and really surprised.  He kept saying throughout the night "This is so cool!" which made it that much better.  I would definitely recommend trying this spot out if you are in the Los Angeles area, the food is spectacular! 

speak.

This week started off super amazing... my mind was open, my brain was a sponge for knowledge and life was great!!!  Then I got a call that someone very close to me was in the hospital for something pretty serious - My Dad.  He had blood clots in his lungs - again - and was lucky to be alive - again.  In one instant, my mind flipped the switch, and my positivity walked out the door.  I was feeling anxious and nervous and sad... hearing news like that makes you think of the worst things that could possibly happen and it's really scary.

After I wrapped my head around what was going on, all I wanted to do was talk to my dad.  Tell him how much I luved him and how I was there for him.  Make sure he understood how much I appreciated him and everything he has ever done for me.  How sorry I was for disappointing him when I was younger and explain how he's been my hero and how he has had such a big influence on me in my life.  Luckily for me, I have the opportunity to still tell him all those things.  He is on the road to recovery and his journey is far from over.

I believe 100% that it is so important to talk about how you feel.  Whether it's happy, sad or some mixed emotion in the middle, the worst thing you can do it hold it inside of you.   Sometimes things happen and the chance to say what you mean is not there.  Cherish the people you luv and embrace life... one moment could change anything.